Anonymous: Hi Kami, I liked your post "if you think beauty is only skin deep get away from me".I remember you used to say you felt unhappy with your appearance, fears of becoming unloveable, or wanting to look "prettier"(But you're already pretty).You seem different now, maybe happier I hope? Would you say that you are focusing more on other things that will make you happy besides wanting to look like your ideal of "perfect"? Its something I struggle with I think it's a way my depression manifests itself.
I think a lot of it has been me growing up. Getting older is weird… you realize a lot about life; the things around you, yourself. Things completely change. Feelings of depression may still be around sometimes… but you are not the only one suffering (and I don’t mean that in a cruel way). I’ve just completely realized how fortunate I am to have what I have though. There are so many people all over this world suffering, in so many ways… I am so fortunate to be where I am. I have a roof over my head, I am clothed, I have food… and I have so many “extra” things in life that I don’t even need to survive. I’m also starting to accept the idea that people weren’t made to play characters in my life… that they are their own person with their own emotions and thoughts and wants and experiences and pains…. and I think that has helped me progress a lot also. I’m never going to look at myself and say “WOW I AM FINALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON ON THE PLANET”…. and I’m fine with that. I don’t want that anymore. Beauty is always going to fade. I’m starting to seek out people that enjoy me…. my personality, sense of humor, thoughts, ideas, taste in music, movies, etc… It’s so much more fulfilling. I think you learn that when you grow up… that there is nothing in shallowness… you are left feeling that same void and you are terrified of anyone ever seeing the real you because you think they’ll run away. When you just embrace who you are and are genuine, you’ll attract people that love you for who you are and you’ll have no reason to be scared that they’ll go running for the hills…. because they already know the real you! I know I’m just rambling… but this is just a kind of summary of what is happening with me/what I’m working on right now
Also, things will get better. It won’t be when you expect or how you expect and it won’t be overnight…. but I really think you slowly start to open your eyes more and really get more of a sense of who you are and are proud because you are unique and your wounds burn a little less often and over time maybe it just continues to get better….